Lily's travels across the world...

On Lily's Facebook page "Never Forget Lily Grace" I posted the following:
Who is near sand? 

Who wants to write Lily Grace in the sand for me, take a picture, and share it with me?  

Who wants to also write The Lily Grace Project in the sand too?? 

If you are super talented then feel free to draw a hairbow, a seahorse, or a ladybug if you want as well.. hmm.. That's just a bonus.. I would love just her name.. I think it is so pretty and I've seen a lot of memorial posts with names or things like that..

I'd also like to get a "Flat Lily" started like a "Flat Stanley" concept. Someone was going to do it awhile ago but it didn't get started so I would love to let Lily travel the world that way... she can't do it in real life so this would be her way to travel 

Any other ideas?? Lily would have turned 1 on August 11th and it is coming faster and faster...

Thanks everyone 

Great news... people started doing this right away and here are some pictures: 
"Our beautiful baby Lily Grace passed away in my arms at 18 days old on August 29, 2012 due to a heart condition called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. She was never able to travel the world.. much less leave the hospital after birth. 

I asked Lily's friends to help "Lily Travel the World" by writing her name in the sand or even making a sign for Lily and sharing the picture. This helps Lily travel the world and this is like the concept of "Flat Stanley" but our own version..  I would like to thank everyone for helping Lily travel.

I would also like to thank Carie Channells for making a special comment to me after taking a picture for Lily.. she said "It was nice that I got to share her with people at the Beach". This meant a lot because I never thought about it that way... not only does "Lily get to travel the world now".. more people get to learn about Lily.

You see.. that is such a wonderful thought because on the day that Lily passed I had an overwhelming fear & anxiety that she would be forgotten... that the world wouldn't get to know our precious child which is why I started this FB page.. this is for Lily and I just know that all of her angel friends in heaven are traveling with her too "

**Thank you to Ericka Gilbert Bramer for helping our angel Lily Grace travel to Ormond Beach Florida (just north of Daytona) on June 28, 2013




**Thank you to Melissa Kempf Taylor for taking Lily to Lake Ouachita, AR. She said "her seahorse got a little crazy and hid her 'E' bit")- I think it's perfect!! This was June 28, 2013


**Thank you to Dawn Marie Decker for taking Lily to North Wildwood, NJ on June 28, 2013



**Thank you to Patricia Garza for taking our Lily Grace to Texas on June 29, 2013. She said "A ladybug hitched a ride on this seahorse carring Lily Grace thru the sand on the beach in Corpus Christi,TX. God Bless"


**Thank you Rachel McCoy for taking our angel Lily Grace to Daytona beach in Florida on 6/29/13.





**Thank you to Carie Channells for taking Lily to Galesburg Michigan at Eagle Lake on June 29, 2013! 

Carie made a very sweet comment " It was nice that I got to share her with people at the Beach"... I told Carie that I never thought about it that way... not only does "Lily get to travel the world now".. more people get to learn about Lily. 

**Thank you to Becky O'Brien Guidi for taking Lily to East Hampton New York on June 30, 2013! 

10th Lily Grace Challenge

Written on June 29th... 

At 3:30 pm today (in less than one hour).. that will be exactly 10 months since our daughter Lily Grace became an angel... 

So today is Lily's 10th Angelversary... Why the picture of the clouds... I imagine Lily and all of her angel friends up there above the clouds playing.. peacefully playing...

So ten months ago today my daughter left this earth to fly high above the clouds....

Thank you to everyone for their kind words.. Thank you to everyone who is participating in the 10th Lily Grace Challenge.. it's not too late..

Here's the link:https://www.facebook.com/events/212252768926430/

Fly high sweet girl.. I took this picture yesterday and the clouds are equally as beautiful today. I look at the clouds a lot now.. I have ever since Lily left us... 

Information about the 10th Lily Grace Challenge: 
Will you do something nice in memory of all children gone too soon? Tomorrow, June 29th is exactly 10 months from when our daughter Lily Grace became an angel. 

This is such a hard day for me so I ask (and have done so since she passed away) if everyone will do something nice in memory of my sweet Lily Grace. I call this "The Lily Grace Challenge".. pay it forward without expecting anything back. You can do something small or big, with a money value or it can cost nothing, kind words, kind gestures, etc.. anything nice for someone else!!

Lily was such a perfect baby but her heart just couldn't make it... she fought hard and so did the staff at Kosair Children's Hospital to save her. On August 29, 2012 at 3:30 pm our sweet Lily flew to heaven while in my arms and surrounded by family & friends.

I can't believe she left us 10 months ago...

Will you share this? Will you do something nice in memory of my angel Lily Grace and all other children gone too soon?

Thank you!! Forever loved, always missed, and never forgotten.. our sweet Lillian Grace!! ♥

I can't believe you will be gone 10 months sweet Lily...

Written Friday, June 28th on Lily's Facebook page (Never Forget Lily Grace): 

10 months ago at this time I was taking in the information that the doctors told me... 

That our baby wasn't going to make it... 

Ten months ago at this time I was thinking that there was still hope and I would lean into Lily to talk to her...

I begged her to prove them wrong... I prayed to God... Screamed to God... "Please don't take our Lily Grace away"...

I promised to care for her, to love her.. no matter what...

Ten months ago I was kissing my Lily.. singing to my Lily and still having hope...

In less than 24 hours at 3:30 pm my hope was shattered because that's when our Lily took her last breaths in my arms..

Not only was my hope shattered but my heart was shattered in more than a million pieces... many of those pieces are still not put back together...

As I reflect on this night that happened ten months ago.. I can still remember everything... EVERYTHING that happened in Lily's last 24 hours..

©2012 nzaPhotography, LLC | Nicole Zirnheld Aldridge |www.nzaPhotography.com

2 New Angels in Heaven ♥

June 27th post:   ♥ 

After work today I went to pay my respects to sweet baby Ambrosia... 

Hard doesn't even define how that was but I needed to do it out of respect for Ambrosia and her Mom... 

When I left my heart was so shattered and I heard a song that I haven't heard in a very long time "Together Again" by Janet Jackson... I think it was a sign from Lily...

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8z78_janet-jackson-together-again_music#.UczYQPmshkU

"Everywhere I go, every smile I see
I know you are there smilin' back at me
Dancin' in moonlight I know you are free
'Cuz I can see your star shinin' down on me"

"Always been a true angel to me now above
I can't wait for you to wrap your wings around me, baby
Wrap them around me, baby"

"Everywhere I go, every smile I see
I know you are there smilin' back at me
Dancin' in moonlight, I know you are free
'Cuz I can see your star shinin' down on me"

I believe Lily greeted Ambrosia into heaven and sadly she also greeted her great grandpa Leo into heaven yesterday too...

Please pray for Ambrosia's family and our family as heaven has definitely gained two wonderful angels this week... Forever missed, always loved and never forgotten...

We know that you are all shining down on us ♥

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/janet_jackson/

Sweet baby Ambrosia :(

Written on June 26th... With a heavy heart I am sharing the news that sweet baby Ambrosia grew her angel wings... 

You may remember Ambrosia because she was a Lily Grace Project hairbow recipient twice while receiving cancer treatments at Kosair Children's Hospital.

Do you remember the beautiful story that her Mom shared at Christmas time (which goes along with this picture):https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=528116060532709&set=a.485809904763325.120174.484996168178032&type=3&theater

Her Mom wrote this on our Never Forget Lily Grace Page- from Anya Hopper:

Hello. I wanted to stop by and let you know that our Ambrosia received her angel wings on Saturday evening. She fought long and hard and is now at peace. Thank you again for the beautiful bows you and your family made that Ambrosia got to wear.

Please pray for sweet Ambrosia, her Mommy Anya, her big brother, and her entire family (and friends) as she will be greatly missed. A beautiful, beautiful baby on earth and now a beautiful, beautiful angel in heaven 

I'm so sorry for your loss Anya!!

Music

Emotional day= music day for this grieving Momma

I know this may seem far fetched but I can't help but think of Lily when I hear "Always be my baby" by Mariah Carey.. I just don't take the words so literal... it's not a boy and girl thing to me.. It's about my kids... they will always be my baby All of them.. here on earth or in heaven.. forever and always

"And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die"

"You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Boy (girl) don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhl-Sk20YAM

Sad to see you leave us Grandpa Leo...

Facebook post on June 25th:
Prayers please... 

One of Lily's great grandparents have grown very, very ill... It's beyond sad... He is one of the nicest people that you could ever meet and to see him this sick breaks my heart.. 

I hope a miracle happens and he makes it but the reality isn't looking so good.. Please pray for her great grandparents, his children, his wonderful wife ♥ , all of the grand children, great grand children, friends, and everyone that knows him...

His breathing isn't that good, his poor hands are cold, and you can't understand all of his words now but then all of a sudden he is very clear.. I said Hi.. He said "Hi Amy.. how do I look?".. I told him that he looked great.

Maybe I shouldn't have but I did ask if he sees Lily to give her a big hug and kiss.. and to watch over her.. I couldn't help it.. I just had too.. He said "Lily.. that's your baby".. then he told me that "God has a plan"..

Please pray.. he's a wonderful, wonderful person and my heart breaks to see him this way...

He and his wife have been married for so long.. this song is for them... I do hope he stays though.. I just pray for comfort in everyone's heart no matter what happens.. ♥

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6pCKGdroho

Sadly... Grandpa Leo (this is Ricky's grandpa- Dad to his stepmom Teri) did pass away.. here is the obituary:
NEWTON, EDWARD LEO, 77, of Louisville, passed away June 26, 2013 at Norton Brownsboro Hospital. 

He was born on May 9, 1936 in Louisville, KY, to the late Edward Lee Newton and Dolores Ladusaw Newton. He was in sales for many years. Leo was a 50 year member of the Masonic Lodge 862 and was a deacon at Little Flock Baptist Church where he attended for over 46 years. 

In addition to his parents, he is preceded in death by a son, Timothy Alan Newton. 

He is survived by his loving wife, Alice Adams Newton; children, Kevin Newton (Sydney), Teri Hartlage (Richard), and Christopher Newton; nine grandchildren; four great-grandchildren; a twin sister, Cleo Roby; as well as many nieces and nephews. 

A celebration of his life will be conducted Saturday at 10 a.m. at Arch L. Heady at Resthaven, 4400 Bardstown Road with burial in Resthaven Memorial Park. Visitation will be from 2-8 p.m. on Friday at the funeral home. 

Broken hearts...

Facebook post on June 24th:
Look at all of the broken hearts...

I stand here visiting Lily with a heavy, heavy heart when I look around to see how many other broken hearts exist (at this cemetery alone)... 

This picture doesn't even show you half of the babies/ children buried in the Babyland section of Evergreen Cemetery in Louisville, KY...

I'm so sad and so are hundreds and hundreds of families here at Evergreen and millions across the world.. It just doesn't make sense..

I picked Babyland because I imagined in my head that my daughter would be surrounded by her friends.. by other babies & children gone too soon if she was buried here.. her physical body at least..

I've walked through the baby section and counted the number of spaces/ headstones before and said hello to all of Lily's friends.. I just hate that she has so many angel friends that are babies & children..

** You know what else bothers me.. thieves who steal from cemeteries.. About one week ago Ricky & I discovered that someone stole our Lily flower solar light from her burial spot. We have a matching one at our house so they would light up together at night... The cemetery said they didn't remove it and sometimes people do come through and take things.. that they were sorry... WHY?!? I just feel that of all places to steal things.. that's low.. 

Happy 60th Birthday Mom

June 20th was my Mom's birthday and this was my post on Facebook for her: 

Happy 60th Birthday to our Mom (my Mom and Mom to Jeremy and Robby)

Other than Mom she is also known as Dixie Pifer or Maw Maw to her grandkids: Sarah, Ethan, Dean, Blake, Makayla, Maddox, Makynlea, and Lily Grace

Pray for baby Paige

Please pray for sweet baby Paige (held by her Mommy Lori and her big sister Mattie is also in the pictures). 

Paige was born very early and she was in the NICU at Kosair Children's Hospital when she received a hairbow from "The Lily Grace Project" and we have been in contact ever since..

Her family and I believe that my Lily Grace is watching over Paige and tomorrow Paige is going in for surgery.. she should be home quickly but she just came home recently so this is scary..

On June 14, 2013 Lori met with a surgeon about Paige and she shared the following pictures and stories with me:

As we were leaving the surgeons office my stomach was in knots and I was so overwhelmed with fear I was nearly a walking zombie.... My mom grabbed my arm to stop me (she had apparently been calling my name but my mind was racing so bad I didn't even hear her ) when I stopped she pointed to this. I picture hanging on the wall with lady bugs. I had just been in that exact spot when they weighed Paige and didn't even notice it.... Once again our sweet guardian angel lily grace was letting us know, to relax, that she is always with us watching over our sweet baby Paige... This is just another obstacle that we will overcome.

After seeing the lady bugs at the surgeons office... We got in the car and went straight to Lilys burial site... I had given my mom my phone bc I want pictures of Paige and Lilys site for her scrap book.as we were taking the pics mattie walked up & began to say a "prayer to lily" next thing I know she was crying. Even at her age she knows how unfair it is for a baby to gain their angel wings so soon. Once I was able to calm Mattie down we were able to have a nice visit. It was long over due. Lily shows us so often that she is with us... It was time we visited her

**I can't believe how many lives have been touched by our Lily Grace.. these stories mean more to me than anyone will know.. thank you all for always sharing with me 

Sign from Lily :)

Gave me cold chills today... 

Sign from my angel daughter Lily Grace.. also known as Lilybug: 

My family and I make hairbows in memory of my daughter Lily Grace and this is called "The Lily Grace Project". We just moved and I have a room that I'm making into Lily's room that is also our hairbow project room.

I don't have furniture for it and I have been watching a corner wooden armoire at a furniture consignment store down the street from my work (a pinterest project will make it absolutely beautiful) 

My coworker and I ran to Subway today and right next store is the consignment store so we popped in quickly to see if it was still for sale.. it was but we needed to get back to work so we headed out the door when I heard this...

"Hey ladybugs.. did you find what you were looking for?"....

I could have frozen.. I know my mouth fell open.. WHAT?? I can't decide on a piece of furniture for my angel daughter Lily who was called "Lilybug" after ladybugs.. ladybugs are one of the signs for her and I have NEVER heard anyone call me or anyone else "ladybugs"...

Now is that a sign that I should buy that furniture for Lily's room or not?!?... oh my gosh!!! What are your thoughts?? I had cold chills.. I couldn't believe it.. still can't..

Oh and in case you are wondering.. yes I did ask my coworker if she heard the same thing as me and she did.. I really did hear someone call me a ladybug.. wow..

Update

Written on Lily's page on 6/18/13

Daisy dog update... 

For those that don't know our oldest pug Daisy suddenly became very, very sick this past Friday. Ricky and I rushed her to an animal hospital and they immediately sedated her & put her on oxygen..we had to wait and see what happened..

Here's what happened.. A miracle!! I can't tell you how hard I prayed and begged God not to take her yet.. I asked Lily to please watch over and protect her.. to not take her..

She's walking, eating, drinking, and her brain functioning is back or almost all of it..

She turned 13 on Thursday and we didn't think she would make it Friday.. we can't believe how well she's doing. They thought it was a stroke that led into seizures but now it appears that it was more likely an epileptic seizure or an inner ear inflammation that led to seizures..

This has never happened before.. it was so sad.. we were beside ourself but had the talk that she may not make it.. she did though!!!

Thank you all for the prayers, thoughts, and concerns!

***I forgot to say.. she is coming home tomorrow!!! 

So today on 6/19/13 around 7 pm Daisy came home with me.. we're so happy and so thankful!

"The Loss of a Child"

Beautifully said.. so perfect & true.. 

Happy late Father's Day to all of the Dads who: have living children here on earth, have children in heaven, have tried so hard to have a baby with their significant other but the pregnancy may have miscarried or they were never able to even become pregnant..

If you have dreams of being a Dad.. bless you & Happy Fathers Day to you.. to everyone!

Be kind to one another and don't pass judgment on someone else's life experiences.. If they are not your shoes.. not your journey.. then you don't know..

You can guess what it would be like and even conjure up in your mind how you would handle things (all things- not just grieving the loss of a child)...

But you don't know & honestly we're glad you don't know.. Keep your judgments to yourself..

I'm on a lifetime grieving journey.. like so many others.. There's no ending timeframe so please don't think that someone should be "over" something or "bounce" back from such a big life changing event.. This is apart of my life forever and it may change but Lily will be apart of me forever.. in some way (same for other grieving families) 

Our dog Daisy :(

Posted June 14th on Lily's Facebook page :( 

Please pray.. 

One of our pugs Daisy turned 13 yesterday...

Then suddenly this morning my kids & I found her in a very sad state..

Her eyes were moving rapidly in uncontrolled movements called Nystagmus, her body was spastic, she had no control over her body, I couldn't even pick her up by myself because of the way her body was moving...

My dear friend watched our kids while Ricky and I rushed her to an animal hospital..

They immediately took her back for sedation & oxygen..

Now we wait.. She either had a stroke that led to seizures or an inner ear inflammation that can cause her eyes to do that her Dr said & then the seizure activity..

So we wait to see how she reacts when they take her off sedation.. If she continues to have seizures after this rest... Then Ricky & I have to once again make the decision of what to do...

My 8 year old just told me "so the doctors are going to try & save Daisy like the doctors tried to save Lily..right?"..

We bought Daisy from a breeder when she first able to be bought.. she was so tiny that she fit in the palms of my hands when we first got her..

Our oldest Sarah who is now 17 named her.. Daisy was here before Ethan, Blake, Makayla, and Lily... They don't know life without her.. and neither do we honestly..

Please pray for a miracle.. Just 9 months ago we had to make the decisions to let our daughter Lily leave this world even though we wanted her to stay.. I pray we don't face that decision this weekend for Daisy...

My heart is so sad to think that she could be joining Lily soon.. This year has been horrible.. Please don't try & justify this right now because of her age... It doesn't make it any easier on my heart..

My heart is what's breaking right now.. That's why I'm asking for prayers 

Then June 15th I wrote this: 

Daisy dog update from the animal hospital.. 

They took her off of sedation and her body is not currently doing any of the seizure activity right now.. the rapid eye movements, uncontrolled body movements, tongue sticking out with heaving panting... 

She is walking plus she drank & ate some food.. much different than yesterday.. she is not in the clear yet though and I am going to visit her so the vet can talk to me.. her head is leaning or going towards the right side (which is the side that was effected yesterday) and she is having trouble with her right front legs.. 

But so far this is good news.. they need to evaluate her for brain damage (that is what they told us yesterday).. 

SHOES...

Posted on Lily's page June 13th:

Shoes... 

Today I wore these shoes... 
What is the significance of these shoes???

When Lily passed away.. I didn't have anything to wear to her funeral. I had just had a baby and I didn't really have funeral clothes to wear during the summer..

Plus it was my daughters funeral so it should be something special, right?

So Ricky and I went shopping by ourselves for funeral clothes.. funeral clothes that we would wear for our daughters funeral.. something we should never have to attend..

I remember one of the sales reps making a comment about how something I bought was cute and I must be going somewhere special.. if she only knew that it was for my daughters funeral..

These shoes are important because I bought these to wear to Lily's funeral... ironic thing is the bow on the front.. I didn't decide to do the Lily Grace Hairbow Project yet and something led me to buy shoes for Lily's funeral with a bow on the top..

So why are these shoes significant today? Today is the first time that I got them out of the box and I actually wore them to work..

I LOVE these shoes but it might have been a bad idea to wear them.. I found myself having flashbacks of the shopping trip and her funeral a lot today and I contribute that to these shoes.. who knew shoes could have such a significant meaning to someone..

I wore these shoes the last day that I got to touch my daughters physical body.. the last day I kissed her physical body.. the last day I sang to my daughter..

That is why these shoes are so important..

You just never know how important things can be to someone... shoes... 

Always...

Posted June 12th on Lily's Facebook Page "Never Forget Lily Grace"
Always.. no matter what.. no matter how late you have to do it.. 

Always kiss your kids good night and ALWAYS tell them that you love them.. 

You don't know what the future holds for you or your children so always do this and always make sure that your children know that you love them ❤

Thank you...

Do you know what makes me feel good? 

Helping others.. I've been at my job for 6 years and every time I help a family.. it makes my heart happy.. I'm helping families now and having families be grateful for your help and guidance means the world to me.

Do you know what else feels good? When people think of and remember Lily Grace 

Look at this beautiful Memorial cross covered in Lily flowers. Lily's Great Aunt Dee Dee and Great Grandma Shirley found and bought this for Lily.. selfishly I didn't put it out at Lily's burial spot because I was afraid someone would take it so I kept it home with me..

Someone took our Easter bunny, basket, and eggs (the cemetery said they didn't take it).. so I kept it home & looked at it a lot! I'm going to put it in Lily's memorial room or out in her Memorial garden at my house when that gets done 

Thank you Dee Dee and Grandma Shirley! Lily & I LOVE it!! 

I want this... :)

I want something like this for Lily.. maybe a seahorse picture because of her seahorse Fisher Price toy that was always with her.. 

I really do want a sand drawing that says Lily or Lily Grace or better yet.. Lily Grace Project maybe..hmmm..

I received a lot of hairbow ribbon today and I am excited to start working on hairbows again soon.. this move has been crazy and I am ready for things to settle down again.. 

http://theseashoreofremembrance.blogspot.com/2013/04/sea-creatures.html

Our angels fly over the rainbow so why then oh why..can't I?

Somewhere over the rainbow...
Angels fly....
In a land that I've heard of..
Why did you leave us..why

Somewhere over the rainbow..
Beautiful angels play..
They keep each other happy..
Every night and day..

"Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
High above the chimney tops,
That's where you'll find me."

Somewhere over the rainbow..
Guardian angels fly...
Our angels fly over the rainbow..
So why then..oh why..can't I??
---------------------------

I would never want to leave my children here on earth for sure but sometimes I wish that I could visit my angel Lily Grace. Just fly up over the beautiful clouds.. over the rainbow.. if even for a minute..

"Beam me Up".. right Pink.. great song and I hope you listen to it if you have a minute... you may be able to relate to it too ♥

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFYm9LKsuUo

Happy 10 month birthday in heaven angel..

Happy 10 month birthday in heaven sweet baby girl... 

Lillian Grace.. you are loved more than you will ever know by me, your family, and even people that you never met.. 

I hope that you and the other angel children in heaven have a big celebration and have chocolate cake too 

Why chocolate cake? Lily was never able to eat anything (no breast milk just things through her IV) while she was living & shortly after she passed her big sister Makayla (6 at the time) asked me: Mommy does Lily get to eat in heaven? Does she live on the clouds? Do you think she gets to eat chocolate cake Mommy?

Yes... Lily gets to eat in heaven.. yes she lives high above the clouds (so we look at clouds a lot now), and yes... she gets to eat chocolate cake too 

Yesterday...

Feels like yesterday... 

I should be holding a "Happy 10 month Birthday 6-11-13" today by my baby Lily... 

Lily..at first you were gone
Minute by minute...
Hour by hour...
Day by day...
and sadly now month by month is going by..

You would (should) be turning One in just two months.. I can't believe that you were born almost one year ago.. it still feels like yesterday...

I remember EVERYTHING...

Every minute..
Every hour...
Every day that you were here with me...

Before you were born...
After you were born..
As you passed in my arms..
and since you left me to go to heaven...

I ALWAYS think of you and will ALWAYS remember you...

ALWAYS 

Bittersweet.. Lily was here on the first day of school and it is now the last day of school..

Wednesday June 5th post on Lily's Facebook page (Never Forget Lily Grace): 

Today is the last day of school so summer begins... 

I now have bigger kids 
Sarah is officially a senior.. 
Ethan graduated from elementary school today so he is now officially in middle school (6th grade)..
Blake is a 3rd grader.. 
Makayla is a 2nd grader..

Today is bittersweet.. Our Lily Grace was due on 8/21/12 which was the first day of this school year so the last day of school.. That's tough.

Lily was born 10 days before their school started and passed away about 8 days after their school began.. My kids had a tough beginning to their school year.. their sister became an angel when school started..

They did it! They did great too! We are very proud of them.. all 5 of them!! 

"Amy's Precious Baby"

Ironically.. my post on Lily's Facebook page for June 3rd was about this blog.. still thought I would share :) 
------------------------------------------------
When I found out about Lily's diagnosis, I decided to start a blog. I just read through a few of my posts from before I had Lily... feels weird to read considering the path that my journey ended up taking. I thought I would share one.. here is my link in case you are bored and you want to read any of it..
http://believinginhopeandlove.blogspot.com/

**A lot of my posts prior to October 2012 were not on Facebook... She was born in August 2012 if you want to read any of those posts before, during, or after her life... I just wanted to share.. I now have 321 posts.. here you go:

Written May 31, 2012:

When I First Found Out- about 9 weeks ago.....
When I first found out that our baby would be sick (heart only, no chromosome concerns at that time), I found comfort in writing. I just came across some of the things that I wrote so I wanted to share. I had just had my anatomy scan so naturally people wanted to know if I was having a boy or a girl but this conversation was just too new and fresh for me so I had to find a way to talk about my baby without crying. So I wrote some poems:

This was my way of letting people know that she was sick. I actually typed this up and handed it out to some people (this was a VERY sad time for me and I needed to function at work without crying so this poem made it easier for me somehow)........

Amy's Precious Baby

Please say a little prayer
As my baby girl may be ill
They worry that her heart is "broken"
Which makes my heart be still

It is hard for me to talk about
So it is easy for me to write it out
I will tell you more as I know
But for now please pray, pray, pray


Now this second one is not completely finished as it was just something I was working on to help express that I needed people to treat me as normal as can be...........

Broken Heart

I need you to treat me normal
as normal as can be
The days ahead will get harder
so for now treat me as me

I'm saddened that my baby girl
is sick with a broken heart
I have good days, I have bad days
it has been that way since the start

Everyone has a right to be sad
because we know not what the future holds
For now lets find a way to cope
because with her diagnosis, there is still hope

You can be sad, you can cry
you can have your moments or days too
But I need everyone to be strong around me
so I can get through this too

So let's talk about the weather
and trivial things in our day
Because living as normal as possible
is what I need for today

------------------------------------------------------------------

I never said they would be good.  I just found peace when writing out my emotions because it truly was easier for me to write about her being sick (emails, texts, poems, etc) rather than verbally talk and look at people. The emotion to cry was just so strong and I am doing better but as many of you know, I still have my moments. Thanks for reading!

Incredibly sad... my baby should be here...

Posted just last night on Lily's Facebook page :( 

I just pulled up to our new house and the thought came across my mind that I should be either coming home to all of my kids including my young baby or I should be getting a carrier out of my car... 

It makes me incredibly sad when I think those things but I can't help it... 

"You Are Not Alone" by Michael Jackson was playing in my car which was one of the songs I sang to Lily on the day she was going to leave me to go to heaven.... 

Lily should be here.. with me.. in my arms to hold and love.. It's not fair  

**This is not a good time to tell me all the good things about her not being here.. like how she's in a better place, she's with God, no more suffering.. etc.. It's really not**
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Then I just posted this tonight on Lily's Facebook page: 
Thank you all for your support last night.. I was having a hard time and I like writing in those moments because it helps me to release the extreme grief that I'm feeling at that moment.. 

I don't always write in those moments but I do a lot... I'm doing better today.. thank you 

**Thank you Kristine McCormick for this picture... Kristine is also a Mommy to a heart angel- baby Cora. I thought this picture was perfect 

Introducing "Bowa" :)

Introducing our ladybug "Bowa"

Lily's big sister Makayla was so excited to find this massive ladybug stuffed animal at the store... Ladybugs are one of the signs from our angel daughter Lily (also known as Lilybug)

Makayla said "I have the perfect name.... Bowa.. after hairbows"... Did you notice that she's wearing a hairbow too 

For those that don't know.. my family and I started The Lily Grace Project: Hairbows for Healing where we make hairbows in memory of our daughter and give them to sick children in the hospital because we want to make them feel special and a little happier while they are in the hospital... my daughter always wore hairbows so they have significance to us 

Great name Makayla!! She likes to love on Bowa a lot... so sweet!!


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Another post from yesterday (on Lily's Facebook page: Never Forget Lily Grace)