"Amy's Precious Baby"

Ironically.. my post on Lily's Facebook page for June 3rd was about this blog.. still thought I would share :) 
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When I found out about Lily's diagnosis, I decided to start a blog. I just read through a few of my posts from before I had Lily... feels weird to read considering the path that my journey ended up taking. I thought I would share one.. here is my link in case you are bored and you want to read any of it..
http://believinginhopeandlove.blogspot.com/

**A lot of my posts prior to October 2012 were not on Facebook... She was born in August 2012 if you want to read any of those posts before, during, or after her life... I just wanted to share.. I now have 321 posts.. here you go:

Written May 31, 2012:

When I First Found Out- about 9 weeks ago.....
When I first found out that our baby would be sick (heart only, no chromosome concerns at that time), I found comfort in writing. I just came across some of the things that I wrote so I wanted to share. I had just had my anatomy scan so naturally people wanted to know if I was having a boy or a girl but this conversation was just too new and fresh for me so I had to find a way to talk about my baby without crying. So I wrote some poems:

This was my way of letting people know that she was sick. I actually typed this up and handed it out to some people (this was a VERY sad time for me and I needed to function at work without crying so this poem made it easier for me somehow)........

Amy's Precious Baby

Please say a little prayer
As my baby girl may be ill
They worry that her heart is "broken"
Which makes my heart be still

It is hard for me to talk about
So it is easy for me to write it out
I will tell you more as I know
But for now please pray, pray, pray


Now this second one is not completely finished as it was just something I was working on to help express that I needed people to treat me as normal as can be...........

Broken Heart

I need you to treat me normal
as normal as can be
The days ahead will get harder
so for now treat me as me

I'm saddened that my baby girl
is sick with a broken heart
I have good days, I have bad days
it has been that way since the start

Everyone has a right to be sad
because we know not what the future holds
For now lets find a way to cope
because with her diagnosis, there is still hope

You can be sad, you can cry
you can have your moments or days too
But I need everyone to be strong around me
so I can get through this too

So let's talk about the weather
and trivial things in our day
Because living as normal as possible
is what I need for today

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I never said they would be good.  I just found peace when writing out my emotions because it truly was easier for me to write about her being sick (emails, texts, poems, etc) rather than verbally talk and look at people. The emotion to cry was just so strong and I am doing better but as many of you know, I still have my moments. Thanks for reading!