Saturday, December 27, 2014

I'm back... :)

I have been missing in action for awhile now but I'm back.. 2014 was a very rough year for me.. no denying the reality that my daughter really died.  I had big intentions on taking so many hairbow donations like I did the first year after losing Lily.. we went back to Kosair Children's Hospital where Lily passed away at least 4-5 times after we lost Lily but then 2014 came which was 1 year and a few months after losing Lily and it was very hard.. I can't explain it..

I also had people reading my blog that shouldn't have been reading.. I can't go in to detail about that either but that is the biggest reason why I stopped blogging and made my blog private for one year.  I say "shouldn't have been reading" because yes it is public so anyone can read it but they were not reading it with good intentions.  People started using it as a negative thing for gossip which is beyond my comprehension.  I am a grieving parent who started this blog for our daughters journey.  I never thought our journey would end in losing our daughter or I would have kept my blog quieter.  My blog went from a means of communicating her birth, surgery, and progress to my outlet of emotions as I journey through the life of a grieving parent.

Here I am though.. I started Weight Watchers in September 2013 and I am still going to meetings.  I have lost about 45 pounds (I say about because we just had Christmas week so I am up a few pounds.. :) ha ha).  I also started running in 2014 and I dedicate my runs to our daughter Lily, our living children here on earth, for all children gone too soon, and for CHD (congenital heart defect) awareness.  I did some 5k's, a 10k, 10 miler, and my first ever half marathon... it was incredible.  I am still running and I did 2.5 miles today as a matter of fact.. :)

Running and Weight Watchers have been a healthy outlet for me along with writing.  Expressing my thoughts, emotions, and grieving (good, bad & ugly side to being a grieving parent) has helped me with my journey of loss.  This will be a journey that I will live with for the rest of my life so... read if you want.. but only read if you have good intentions.. if you have not lost a child then you will not understand so don't judge but just be supportive, learn, and be a part of the journey.. not against it.  Being against my journey only makes it worse.. think about it.  If you have questions then please ask me directly rather than discuss, assume, and interpret things.

At this point in my life I am still a busy working Mom on a weight loss journey while running for a good outlet and writing as I go... join me if you want... I will talk about all of the above... Are you ready?? :) Welcome back everyone..  :)

***This picture was taken on Christmas Day 2014... just a few days ago.. I just loved how the light came in on the picture.. I always feel like it's Lily giving us a sign from heaven and the light in this picture was amazing.. it was all around me on Christmas... Writing is good for me and it feels good to write on this blog again.. Thanks everyone!