What do you think grief should look like....

❤A very special person sent this my way and I wanted to share. This means a lot, especially right now through the holidays.. You know what's hard?? I think no one knows how someone should really grieve when they lose a child so I think people guess what that grief should look like & if you don't grieve like that..then they worry.

I think people would worry about us anyways but as a grieving person.. sometimes it feels like you just can't win.. you do too much of this or too little of that when it comes to expressing your grief through facial expressions, tone of voice, what your conversations consist of, what you write about or don't write about, how much you do or don't accomplish in your daily life, how much you do or don't cry in front of people (because all they know of is what they can see).. .

People watch you closely & they want to fix you. If you are too vocal about your grief then people worry but if you are too quiet about your grief then people worry.

For me.. I was VERY private before 2012 and all the stuff I write about would just be inside of me & maybe a few people would hear how I was feeling but that would be it..

If I stayed that way through what I've been through it would eat me alive.. the weight of this grief is horrible so I express myself to lighten the load & get it off my mind for the moment..

I never forget about Lily leaving me and I think about her constantly.. Not one day has gone by since she left me that I haven't cried but I'm trying hard to function & live life for my kids and family.

So if I sound okay on the surface in person and then you read what I'm going through.. I'm as okay as I can be. No one can fix me right now... I can't fit the image of what you or anyone thinks a grieving mother should be like..

No two grieving parents will be the same.. I bet we feel almost the same but.. we will each grieve in our own way. So because I express myself openly through this page or my blog.. please don't think I'm doing worst than grieving parents that don't express themselves.. now if I stop expressing myself and keep it in.. then maybe you should worry (but that's about me & no other grieving parent).

So in the spirit of the holidays.. ;) just know that yes this is hard, yes I'm having a very hard time, yes I will continue to write about what I'm going through especially if it continues to help me or even one other person..yes I will continue to cry, yes my grief can look different minute to minute... and lastly.. thank you for caring about me or any other grieving parent.. keep caring but sadly, we can't be fixed unless you can give us our child back. Much love from Lily's Mommy. Happy holidays. ❤

**Disclaimer.. If you see warning signs that would make you think someone could harm themselves or if they are not functioning at all..then that is different- this is meant for the grieving parents who are functioning as best we can but we get out of bed and try..but if you see warning signs then yes.. they need help but not because we cry or have deep sadness or deep emotions.. big difference)**