As Crazy as it sounds.. I wish I was spending my Thanksgiving at Kosair Children's Hospital because that would mean Lily was still living here on earth with us. Better yet.. I wish Lily had just come home from Kosair and I just had to be extra cautious with her around people for the holidays.
Before I had Lily I had so many thoughts and dreams of what our future would be like with her. I already had it all mapped out. Our trips to the store as a family, our time at home with her (tracking her weight, tracking her eating, talking to the heart team at least weekly about her progress).. yep.. I was mentally prepared.
I remember specifically thinking about how Thanksgiving would go.. she would be a fragile child in the sense that we would have to be really careful having her around a lot of people because she could get sick easily due to her heart..
Thanksgiving & Christmas would be our first big holidays for this.. I had everything mapped out & organized..
So here I sit.. 30 minutes into Thanksgiving day with no baby to care for in the middle of the night, no baby to worry about at Thanksgiving, no hospital to visit to see Lily, no charting of what she's eating or her weight to report to the cardiologist.. No baby crying for her Mom to feed, change, or love on her..
So I ask that everyone be thankful for their house full of children that are living and healthy.. Be thankful for the baby that wakes you up at night.. be thankful even if you have to visit your child in the hospital (I'm sorry that they are in the hospital & sick but.. at least they are still here on earth with you...)
I would give anything to have Lily back.. even if it meant lack of sleep, spending my time between the hospital and home again.. My holidays included Lily..all 5 of our children.. 5.. Not 4.. I had it all figured out..
Love you Lily, Sarah, Ethan, Blake, and Makayla.. Happy Thanksgiving to all 5 of my children.. all 5 ;(
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