Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Another update on Autopsy.. :(

Posted very late Monday night (11/19/12) on Facebook:  Short update on Autopsy: So I received a call from Lily's cardiologist this afternoon so we could discuss her autopsy. So he went over it in detail and... all I can say is hard afternoon/ night. I posted about a quick update on her autops
y that I received a week or so ago. For tonight I will just leave you with a quick note and then I will write more later about her autopsy.

The good news is that there was nothing different that the cardiologist could have done to save her. The autopsy results concluded that additional heart surgery wouldn't have saved Lily. Pretty much her kidney and lungs started dying.. they failed.

The bad news.. there was nothing that could be done to save Lily.

I'm grateful to know that there is nothing different that could have been done to save Lily because.. I would live with that thought and regret for the rest of my life. It just breaks my heart still that there was nothing else that could be done to save Lily.

That's all I can muster up at this point but I will leave you with a song. I know Beyonce's song Halo really isn't about angels like Lily but I love this song. I can't help but think of Lily every time I hear the halo and angel parts... I don't care what the song is really about.. in my mind.. it is for Lily and all of our other angels out there..

So for tonight.. Halo Lily.. My heart is so broken and I am so sorry that nothing could have been done to save you when you were 18 days old... ;( I would have done ANYTHING for you Lily. Love you to the moon and back one million times sweet girl...


**Since many of you are not on Facebook I want you to see my comment under this post.. you can tell I was having a hard night.. but I still want to share:
I just want her back & there's nothing I can do about it. 

I was at Hobby Lobby for work when I got the call. I stood in the aisles of Hobby Lobby talking about her autopsy and then I cried..cried... cried in the aisles of Hobby Lobby after the call. I would have left but I needed to finish shopping for work. People may have thought I was crazy but i don't really care. I wasn't going to not talk to the dr either.. 

Plain and simple.. God knows my heart & I know he understands where I'm coming from.. I want her here with me.. no where else.. Plain & simple. Nothing else is going to make that better for now. Sorry but nothing. God won't judge me for that. 

I want Lily here & all 5 of my kids should be together- not 4 here & 1 in heaven.. Here.. Getting my hugs and kisses just like my other kids.. here with me.. in MY arms.. mine.. mine..

(please don't try to tell me otherwise.. not today..)

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