August is here.. ugh.. that means that all of the big "one year"..firsts are coming up this month :(

This is how I felt on August 2nd (this was not shared on my public Facebook page): 

August 11, 2012 my Lily Grace was born, five days later she had open heart surgery, then ECMO, caths before & after surgery, scares galore... Such an emotional journey from her diagnosis at 19 weeks pregnant.. then the worst day of all August 29, 2012.. the day she became an angel in my arms 


Yesterday on August 1st... that was an exceptionally hard night.. 

I can't believe August is here already.. I can remember everything like it was yesterday- the dr sending me over to get admitted to deliver (the day we anticipated for so long).. It feels like she was just placed in my arms after birth and yet again to pass away once ECMO was turned off... 

August sucks I guess.. I guess it's a big fat slap in the face of reality.. I know she's gone but one year?!?... Ugh.. Her first birthday?!? Ugh..

I wish I could take off work & relax with my family for the month of August <3