Believing in Hope and Love

Happy 7th Birthday to Makayla!!

Posts on Lily's Facebook Page (Never Forget Lily Grace) on 5/4/13:

Happy 7th birthday Makayla!!

Lily Grace Project donation:

Thank you Bows by Brenda!! Brenda recently mailed me this beautiful surprise.. a box full of beautiful donations- plain headbands, headbands with flowers, beautiful butterfly hairbows, and assorted hairbows!!

Thank you so much!!!

"Bereaved Mother's Day"

Posted on Lily's page Sunday, May 5th:

May 5, 2013 is International Bereaved Mothers Day

A few years ago an additional Mother's Day was declared. This Mother's Day takes place exactly one week prior to the traditional Mother's Day every year.. the International Bereaved Mother's Day

Today's Mothers Day is dedicated to all Mother's that try so hard to get pregnant yet they are unable, that had an adoption fall through, that got pregnant but that pregnancy miscarried, that delivered a baby born sleeping, that lost a baby as an infant, that lost their child at an older age, and that lost a child in any way at any time...

Traditional Mother's Day is hard for Bereaved Mothers.. if we have children then yes we appreciate the day & love our children here on earth but one or more of our children are not here on earth with us and that's hard.. People may not be able to understand that and we are glad that they can't because that means they have never experienced such a loss

Please take a moment to share this status with any bereaved Mom that you know, to tell them happy Bereaved Mother's Day, and to help honor any baby or child gone too soon.

Much love from the Mommy to angel Lily Grace —

NICU Graduate Invitation...

Lily's Dad told me that we got bad mail today but he wouldn't say why..

I just saw it.. We are on the wrong mailing list.. We love her hospital and we know it is an innocent mistake but.. Kind of hard to see..

I wish we could go to this..

We love you angel Lily Grace 8/11/12 - 8/29/12

Here is the back of the postcard... I really don't think it was meant for us... it is all about NICU "graduates"... it's a celebration of sorts for all of the babies that made it home...

**I still love Kosair Children's Hospital though... it was an innocent mistake** ... just a little heart breaking to see, that's all

"Good Enough is Good Enough"

Post on Lily's Facebook page on 4/30/12:

Good Enough is Good Enough…

One of my children would get a B and I would talk to them about doing better…

My kids would do something and I would talk about how that was great but how could they do better…

Not all of the time but it happened…

You see.. I am a perfectionist and I had a “this is how I would do it mentality” and I was just trying to help but I realized that it wasn’t helping.. at all..

A little more than 4 years ago I went to school to be a school counselor and one of my professors did a lecture on “Good enough is good enough” and that changed my perspective on things…

You see… “good enough is good enough”..

Kids don’t have to be perfect, are we? No…. not at all so why would we expect them to be perfect?

We expect kids to never get color changes (or light changes for behavior), we’d like them to always get A’s and B’s in school, to sit & always listen when told to do something… to be almost a perfect child or person.. are we? No so why would we expect that from them.. a child?

Instead the question or comment could or should be.. “Did you do the best that you could do?”.. if the answer is no then “what do you think could have been done differently”.. Great job but next time try that… if the answer is yes and they truly mean it…. Then.. good job because good enough is good enough…

A grade of C is not the end of the world even if we are A students.. they are not us.. I just ask my kids to try their best and do their best. I tell them that I am proud of them and how much I love them all of the time. I try to give them as much love and encouragement as I can.. always.

Am I perfect? No… never and I know that… so yes, good enough is good enough and my kids are perfect the way they are…

Some kids are developing anxiety or never feel good enough because of the pressure that some people put on them… that they are never good enough even when they absolutely try their hardest… is it worth it? Is it worth causing your child anxiety problems because you want them to be perfect… no, not at all..

You never know what tomorrow or let alone the next 5 minutes will hold for you… will there be a tomorrow? Do your kids know how much you love them or how proud you are of them?

If they ask you to come play with them.. do you make time for them? I have been guilty of not stopping before and granted, we can’t always stop but we should make our best effort. The lecture and then losing my daughter Lily has forever changed me… try not to live for tomorrow or what you want them to be in the future.. love them for today, who they are, encourage them (to do their best or to be happy..), and help them love themselves...

If they feel that their Mom or Dad isn’t proud of them, that they are not good enough for their parents.. then what will that do for their self esteem.. will they ever be good enough in life?

Stop and tell your children that you are proud of them, that you love them, to always do their best, and that “good enough is good enough”…

Prayers for my Mom please

I posted the following on April 29th on Lily's Facebook page:

Dear Lily Grace friends,

I need your help please! Two people special to Lily needs prayers as of today. One person is waiting for results from a biopsy that was done today.. not expected. The other person suddenly needed CPR to stay ali...See More

The other person is a dear, sweet friends Aunt.. this Aunt helped to get me a special gift in regards to Lily.. she helped to pay for a photographer.. the one who took pictures of my Lily from her birth to her passing... a gift that I will cherish forever.

Will you please pray for both wonderful people?

Then I posted this as a followup on May 5, 2013:

I asked for prayer the other day because someone in our family was waiting for biopsy results..

That someone is Dixie Pifer, my Mom and Grandma to Dean, Maddox, Makynlea, Sarah, Ethan, Blake, Makayla, and Lily Grace.

This past Thursday we received results from a biopsy from her colonoscopy and they diagnosed my Mom with Colon Cancer. The doctor feels that it is really early but he can't stage the cancer until he performs surgery which will remove some of her colon, the cancer, and surrounding lymph nodes.

This surgery takes place this Friday afternoon on May 10th. May 11th my Lily would be 9 months old and Sunday May 12th.. Mother's Day.. it's already a hard weekend coming up and now this devastating news.

I am very hopeful as the doctor is very hopeful. We just won't know more until her surgery (i.e., the stage of the surgery, next steps, etc). She will be in recovery at the hospital for an estimated 5-7 days. Lastly, her surgery is called a right colectomy:http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/medical/IM00231

If you believe in prayer, please pray for our family.. it has been a rough year to say the least

Yes I am open about my grief but that is to help others and myself...

"No, I'm not like this all of the time!"..

My recent posts have been passionate.. then again many of my posts are open, honest, filled with emotion, and passionate.

I write this because some people only see what I'm writing, don't see me in person, probably don't talk to me between my posts, etc.. so this leads them to think wrong things..

Let me clear the air.. The sadness, emotion, passion, etc that you read on here- I'm not like that every minute of my life.. I'm functioning! Yes, I'm grieving and I write to release my grief when my grief is so heavy.. it does help me to get it off my chest and then I can move on in that moment.

I think some people think that I write and that I'm "stuck" like that but that's not true. I write to help me.. It's my form of journaling if that makes sense. I just "journal" publicly because it helps me as much as it helps other people.

I try to help other people with my writing too. Who am i trying to help, besides myself?? I'll tell you: other grieving parents, people who want to know what it's like for grieving parents, and so people can understand grieving parents more which will help them know things to say, do, and ways to help those grieving parents.

So for the record.. No, I'm not walking around 24/7 like in the way that I write if that makes sense.

Yes, I'm sad! Yes, I have bad moments! Yes, I do cry for my Lily! Yes, I do spend time and play with my other kids! Yes, I'm finally trying to enjoy life again! Yes, I can get really sad and it can be a short intense burst of emotion or it can linger with me but it's not 24/7! Yes, I miss Lily nonstop but I'm functioning.. I'm not pretending.. I'm just learning to live again without her!

It is hard! You can't fix me unless you give me Lily back..I'm not going to hurt myself.. I'm just express myself passionately.

I would appreciate it though if people are concerned that they ask me directly instead of asking other people.. sometimes that adds layers of unnecessary drama and stress for grieving parents.. we truly don't need any more stress in our life!

If you want to know how a grieving parent is doing, simply ask and be ready to listen. We may be having a hard moment so we may not answer then but we will... ask specific questions ("I notice that you write about.. that you say..they you seem..") and give examples if you we are not answering you the way you want..

Great book if your child receives a terminal diagnosis.. "The Gift of the Ladybug"

On April 28th I posted the following on Lily's Facebook page: Never Forget Lily Grace

The gift of my Lilybug..

8 months ago today I was told by doctors that our Lily wasn't going to make it..

It's been 8 months.. Time just keeps passing without her & I can't tell you how incredibly hard that is..

I still cry for her everyday..

I miss her so much everyday..

My arms still ache for her everyday..

Nothing will ever take the place of my sweet Lily.. I could adopt 100 kids and she still wouldn't be replaced.. She'd still be missed..

Tonight my daughter Makayla was thinking about Lily and picked out "The Gift of The Ladybug" for me to read to her. This book was a gift from one of Lily's Facebook friends.

It's a sweet, touching story about how these wonderful parents (horses) had a baby that ended up being a ladybug instead of a horse like all other horse parents get.. That their ladybug baby was different and that their babies life wouldn't be as long as other babies.. ❤

It's a precious book.. Lily sure was a gift to all of us including her brothers and sisters too.. we all miss her.. ❤

http://www.giftoftheladybug.com/