Sunday, October 21, 2012

Lily becoming an angel.. (may be hard to see)

This is a progression of pictures showing Lily as she became an angel. This was such a hard, hard day for my family and I. To know that I was spending my last day with Lily.. to know that the medical staff was waiting on her Dad and I to say... it's time. let her go.. Hard, hard day. I only share this to give you a glimpse of the heart ache families around the world go through when they lose a child. As parents, you just feel so helpless. You would do anything to save your children... but we can't always do that. 

We did everything possible to save you Lily Grace.. Everything.. You can see the doctors handing Lily to me after she was disconnected. I held her for 15 minutes before she became an angel and held her for 4 hours after she became an angel (while the wonderful nurses let me give her a bath, dress her, change her diaper, put lotion on her, etc during that four hour period after she became an angel). I would have held her forever if I could.. in honor of you and your brothers/sisters today Lily.. We love you!!


Wonderful staff at Kosair helped us get footprints and handprints that day. So grateful!

This is just minutes before the doctors disconnected Lily from her machines. What a beautiful baby. Love those eyes!!  **She was really alert this day. She made eye contact with us all day and that was such a blessing. She was looking at us though when we gave them the word.. my words were "I'm ready to hold her" and that meant.. time to let her go and be an angel.. you can only imagine how hard it was to get those words out.**


The doctors and nurses just disconnected Lily from the ECMO and handed her straight to me. 


You can only imagine how hard this was.. I was finally able to hold Lily but knew that she was being held for the purpose of becoming an angel. Right when they handed her to me I had intense physical pain in my stomach. I didn't know that would happen but I didn't want to give her up for anything.. never... I would endure the pain to hold her and the pain was because I was losing her and there was nothing I could do to save her. 
You can only imagine..

This was one of Lily's last breaths. She kept that one eye open peeking at her Dad and I. Ricky sat on the other side of me the whole time. We just had to watch her take her last breaths.. so helpless. When her last breath happened.. it felt like the breath was taken from me. **Sometimes I can't shake this image from my mind.. her last breath and last time she looked at me.. but what a blessing that we were looking at each other though through this.. I sang "You are not alone to her" by Michael Jackson.. she knew she wasn't alone. I had 30 people with me that day (family & friends) plus the medical staff that cared so much for her as well. I can't explain it but I had over whelming anxiety about her being alone or ever feeling alone ( I know she is with God- that's not what I mean).. just thinking of leaving your child alone.. horrible, horrible feeling.. 


 Daddy and Mommy holding Lily as she just became an angel in my arms. 
We love you forever and ever Lily Grace! 


Sweet..sweet.. angel Lily Grace. 8/11/12-8/29-12.. Forever Loved..  Love you Angel Lily Bug!!


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