Beautiful Lily.. can't believe you have been gone for 9 months :(

May 29th post from Lily's Facebook page: 

The Lily Grace Challenge!! It's the 29th of the month so it's The Lily Grace Challenge Day.. which simply means that you do something nice for someone else today!! 

I meant to post an official event but we've been moving.. Please participate!! 

Today is exactly 9 months to the day that our sweet baby Lily Grace became an angel in my arms which is why I do the Lily Grace Challenge on the 29th of the month! 

I can't believe that it has been 9 months since she left us and that this is the 9th Lily Grace Challenge ;(

Later that day I posted this: 

9 months ago today at 3:30 pm (in less than one hour) my daughter Lily Grace was placed in my arms to pass away... 

I can't believe she died... It's unbelievable... 

This picture is from the outfit that I dressed my daughter in after she became an angel.. I bathed her, cut her hair, put lotion on her, dressed her, and loved on her physical body for the last time 

Lilybug...

May 28th post from Lily's Facebook page: 
Ladybug at our new house!

For those that don't know... ladybugs are signs from our angel daughter Lily Grace, also known as Lilybug! 

We just moved and on the first day that we were going to stay the night at our house.. A ladybug was hanging out on our ceiling in the kitchen.. 

I love signs from Lily and this was great timing for such an emotional time for me 

Flooded with memories...

May 26th post from Lily's Facebook page (Never Forget Lily Grace):

I'm flooded with memories today.. 

The first time they took Lily truly off if ECMO (heart & lung machines/ life support).. she did great for about 10 hours & then she crashed... turned blue right in front of my eyes.. 

She received CPR & they saved Lily.. we received word that night that she had 2 brain bleeds from the episode so we had to get another brain ultrasound & wait to see if the bleeds got worse.. this was on Thursday & we would know more on Friday..

That 24 hours was critical... so as I'm waiting in Lily's room the next morning for all of the doctors to round in her room I received a call.. Ricky (Lily's Dad) found our dog Jasmine unresponsive.. lifeless.. she made weird noises all of a sudden and then nothing...

So here I am on the phone with Ricky & he didn't know what up do.. our world was crumbling down all around us.. It was horrible.. everything.. So my best friend & Ricky ran Jasmine to an animal hospital as I waited on the results of how Lily was doing and all day we waited to see if Jasmine was going to survive..

The vet saved Jasmine.. and I'm flooded with these memories today because I'm taking Jasmine to the vet for her frequent checkup and blood work to get more medicines.. She was in the animal hospital almost the whole time Lily was in the hospital..

The drive here floods me with memories of that hard, hard time.. I wish they both could have lived.. 

Moving is proving to be emotional....

May 23rd post from Lily's Facebook page: 

We closed- sold our current house and signed papers to buy our new one yesterday!! 

Now we are cleaning, cleaning, cleaning the new house & prepping the new house for moving in...

It's funny how you can want to move and start the next chapter of your life yet it can be so bittersweet too! 

When we moved into our current house...our oldest Sarah was 10, Ethan was about to be 4, Blake was about 9 months old and I was pregnant with our daughter Makayla.

That was 7-1/2 years ago... since then we also had Lily.. our house was essentially the other place she lived besides the hospital.. granted it was during my pregnancy so she lived in my belly here but she was still here..

Yesterday was emotional and the actual moving will be too..

Packing up Lily's stuff to move is going to be hard.. Some of you will understand that & others won't.. Going through her memorial cabinet & boxing it up to move.. that's going to be hard and I'm the one that has to do it... I can't let anyone else.. I know that may not make sense but again.. I know some of you understand 
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May 25th post from Lily's page: 
It is officially moving day..

I haven't touched Lily's stuff yet..

The few things that someone moved (off of a dresser I mean).. I panicked because I didn't see it right away..

I'm so emotional about the anticipation of packing her stuff to move it.. 

Sign from Lily...

Post from Lily's Facebook page: Never Forget Lily Grace on May 21st- 

It has been a long day but great day at work!! I work at a Memory Care Community called Arden Courts. We have educational events each month and I've been leading the last two discussions (one was tonight). I love educating and speaking at our seminars!! I love helping people!!!

Update on my house: we are closing tomorrow at 10 am & noon... Say a prayer  thanks everyone!!
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May 22, 2013 post: 

Signs...

We called our Lily "Lilybug" after ladybugs.. so ladybugs are one symbol that I have for my Lily.

When she first passed away I would see a ladybug everywhere- at my back door, on my windshield, and even in my house. I haven't seen them in awhile.

Look at what was on my windshield yesterday when I got to work.. I've tried to take pictures of them in the past but they usually fly off.. I got multiple pictures up close yesterday 

Lean on Me...

Lean on Me... Thoughts from a Grieving Parent..

When you are dealing with a BIG loss.. when you are in the midst of grieving a big loss in your life (child, parent, friend, spouse, family member.. it could even be a job, house.. independence if you are older or maybe you were in an accident.., etc).....

.... You really can't be someone's "rock" or someone's person to lean on (this isn't forever but this is for awhile I believe)....

... If you are trying to stand on your own two feet... trying to live life while dealing with a big loss... if you aren't strong enough for yourself yet then you can't be strong enough for someone else yet..

.... Of course your kids.. yes.. you don't have a choice.. you have too.. even your husband/ wife.. yes.. because you have too but mainly your kids because they are your kids and you are their rock..

... I sometimes feel bad for my family and friends because many of them are going through their own hard times but I can't be their person right now.. I am not strong enough yet..

..... I am functioning and doing better than I was for sure but this grief comes in tidal waves.. I think about Lily daily.. all the time... I cry every day at some point and some days.. it is like a tsumani when it hits me.. holidays, anniversary days, or triggers bring those ttidal/ tsumani waves on too...

... Stress makes it worse or when a lot of things are happening at once in my life (multiple different things in my life.. different areas of my life I mean)..

I share this song because since losing Lily I have really, really loved listening and singing this song.. It is very powerful for me...

"oh, there's a child
who is sick and begging to be free
but there is no cure for his disease
he looks up to his mother and
as she hold (holds)
prayin' that someday
the sun will shine again
and the pain?
and the pain will end
come on
i am here
you don't have to worry
i can see...
...your tears
I'll be there in a hurry when you call
friends are there to catch you when you fall
i'm your friend and i'll catch you when, when, when you fall
here's my shoulder, you can lean on me"

I just can't be the shoulder yet.. I can be there.. I can.. I just need to be my rock, my children's rock.. and Ricky's rock first..

Can anyone relate...does this make sense...or does anyone understand because of their own experiences of grief or loss in their life?

♥ I hope you take 5 minutes and watch this video.. thank you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXBKaOkmQhw

24 or more children... :(

Post from Lily's Facebook page on May 20th: 

24 or more children... 

So many families destroyed today because of this tornado in Oklahoma...

My daughter Lily is an angel in heaven and when I hear about children joining Lily.. it freshly breaks my heart all over again..

It physically hurts.. My heart is so broken for all of the families impacted today..

I'm so sorry for the pain they are experiencing now, tomorrow, and for the rest of their lives...

....