One year ago today...I was in labor to have you sweet Lily Grace..

My last post... before I lay down.. 
One year ago today.. at this time.. we were waiting (this picture is of her Dad and siblings waiting.. I took this picture from the bed where I was in labor) Lily always did things on her own time.. her delivery wasn't any different... 

She would cover her face up for ultrasound pictures or show us her face when she felt like it...

Her chromosome's weren't like other people.. she was unique and she didn't "read the manual" the doctors said  Lily was her own person from the second she started to develop..

A true fighter.. she beat so many odds..ultrasound after ultrasound she proved people wrong about how her "mosaic" chromosomes could effect her..

"Do you want to terminate".. can you imagine if I did that.. look at her.. look at what she did and how people say that her life changed them in her 18 days of existing here on earth and 9 months during my pregnancy....

She was worth it.. everything that this journey has put me through.. from the second of her heart diagnosis through her full journey of life through her first birthday in heaven... she was and always will be worth it..

I wouldn't change it for anything.. Happy 1st birthday in heaven sweet little Lily..

One year ago today at 11:08 am.. you "graced" us with your presence and started to change everyone else's life too.. you had already changed my life.. from the second that I saw pregnant on my pregnancy test... (which was exactly one week before we took our last family trip even to this day and that was to Disney World..).. I couldn't ride anything because I was pregnant with Lily and I didn't want to take any chances but it let me spend time with Lily in Disney World..

The chaplain at the hospital asked me to close my eyes and think of a day that is peaceful with Lily outside of the hospital.. I told her Disney World.. I would love to take all of my kids.. including Lily to Disney World.. where everything is magical and everything feels good..

If even for just the time you are there.. 7 days or however long the trip may be.. a magical place where everything is happy.. it's so peaceful and fun.. I so wish our journey would have been different so I could REALLY take you there sweet girl..

Your first birthday decorations are Disney themed of course.. it only seemed fitting..

Occupying my mind...

At 11:50 pm I wrote this on Lily's FB page (I'm adding more to this one at the bottom): In 10 minutes the date of 8/11/13 signifies my angel daughters first birthday..so..

To occupy my mind... I made a shelf specifically to hold spools of ribbon.. 

I've never made a shelf or any furniture from scratch before.. went to Lowes last weekend and bought everything.. This is the finished product (before sanding & painting it white)...

It's still wet with wood glue so I can't put too many things of ribbon on the shelf yet but I put some on for you to see how it will work..

This shelf will hold all of the ribbon for "The Lily Grace Project- Hairbows for Happiness"

**I'd like to thank Pinterest for this design (crown molding on the edge of the shelves to hold the ribbon on the shelf)..

I'm working to make it easier to make hairbows in my house.. This shelf goes in my Lily Grace memorial/ hairbow craft room... I'm on my way 

Happy early 1st birthday Lily Grace... RIP 8/11/12 - 8/29/12 

**It is just so unbelievable.. I can't believe that it has been one year.. I can't believe how hard this is.. It has been raining here and I swear.. I feel like the rain is coming from the tears that I have been shedding because I have been crying so much.. it is so hard.. my heart physically hurts like it did when she first passed away.. It is so unbelievable.. 

So I am going to finally go to bed.. try to sleep... wake up and start cleaning for her mini birthday party... 

I don't even know what to do with her candles.. do we sing?  Who blows it out?  It sucks that we even have to think about it..  

One year ago today... admitted to hospital to have our Lily Grace

One year ago today around 4 pm, my doctor sent me straight to the hospital to be induced right after my checkup... 

I had a hospital stay a few days prior to this.. August 10th was on a Friday & Lily "graced" us with her presence the next day on Saturday, August 11, 2012... (original due date was 8/21/12)

I can't believe she will be one tomorrow..

Please remember Lily tomorrow.. here is a link to her remembrance: https://www.facebook.com/events/143658955840791/

**For those that want to print their own Lily Grace balloon tags.. here is the link http://www.slideshare.net/elzya/lily-grace-balloon-tag-august-2013?fb_action_ids=10152084958445828&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

Balloon tags for Lily's 1st birthday balloon release..

I shared this on Lily's Facebook page on Thursday, August 8th:
Sad night... BUT... on a positive note.. Look at the tags that I made (with adjustments & printing by Able Printing in Louisville, KY)... 

This is a front & back view of the tag that will be attached to all of Lily's balloons at her first birthday balloon release this Sunday 

Sad night ;(

Sad night... her first birthday is so close.  Ricky, the kids, and I went to visit Lily at the cemetery... sad night is all that I can say... I would never wish this upon anyone.. not even the most evil person in the world.

My heart hurts.. physically hurts from losing her like it did when I first left her.  It's just so heart breaking.  I told her Dad that I just want her back and she is not coming back to me.. she won't come back..

That's all that I want right now.. ALL of my kids.. that's what I want..

August is here.. ugh.. that means that all of the big "one year"..firsts are coming up this month :(

This is how I felt on August 2nd (this was not shared on my public Facebook page): 

August 11, 2012 my Lily Grace was born, five days later she had open heart surgery, then ECMO, caths before & after surgery, scares galore... Such an emotional journey from her diagnosis at 19 weeks pregnant.. then the worst day of all August 29, 2012.. the day she became an angel in my arms 


Yesterday on August 1st... that was an exceptionally hard night.. 

I can't believe August is here already.. I can remember everything like it was yesterday- the dr sending me over to get admitted to deliver (the day we anticipated for so long).. It feels like she was just placed in my arms after birth and yet again to pass away once ECMO was turned off... 

August sucks I guess.. I guess it's a big fat slap in the face of reality.. I know she's gone but one year?!?... Ugh.. Her first birthday?!? Ugh..

I wish I could take off work & relax with my family for the month of August <3

Lily's First Birthday in Heaven- will you remember her?

Lily Grace was born on August 11, 2012. It was a beautiful day that I will never forget. Sadly, Lily lost her battle to a heart condition called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) at just 18 days old on August 29, 2012. 

She was a fighter and I wish that she was here to celebrate her first birthday with us! We would be throwing her a big birthday party! She is not here though so I feel that I need to "create memories" for her because she cannot create her own memories. 

On Sunday, August 11th I would be honored if you would remember our angel, Lily Grace. Will you release a red balloon (or any balloon that you like) in memory of Lily and in honor of her 1st birthday? -or- If you make hairbows, will you make hairbows in memory of my angel Lily Grace and all other children gone too soon?

We have a hairbow project where we donate hairbows to sick children in the hospital called "The Lily Grace Project". We will be making our next trip this month. If you wanted to donate those hairbows or any other hairbow supplies or anything to help with our project in memory of Lily.. I would greatly appreciate it and so will many, many other families & children!

Even if you will simply remember my Lily on August 11th.. I will appreciate it. I would like to invite my family, friends, and anyone else that would be interested to release balloons with us in the Louisville area at Lily's cemetery spot on Sunday, August 11th at 6:30 pm.

She is buried in the babyland section (very back left section) of Evergreen Cemetery on Preston Highway in Louisville, KY. I opened this up to other people because I had a few people ask.

**Please share pictures if you so wish.. thank you for the support everyone**

Here is a link and more information for this event: https://www.facebook.com/events/143658955840791/