Hard day Lily.. Miss you more than words can describe..

For those not on Facebook- here is what I just posted on Lily's page "Never Forget Lily Grace":

Hello everyone.  So today has been really hard for me.  It started off hard and then some things happened that made it harder.  Someone, out of the kindness of their heart, that did not know about Lily being sick or passing away asked me "How is your baby"?  It was really nice of them to ask and I know this will happen.  I can usually respond but today.. I couldn't.  I could not even get one word out of my mouth.

My eyes filled with tears instantly and I knew if I said one sound that I was going to lose it.  So I gestured for my boss to respond for me and he did.. thank goodness.  It has just been an emotional day.  Lily would be 2 months old this Thursday so maybe that is why I am having a hard time.  I went to work and functioned but sometimes it is just so hard.  I would describe it as if I feel like an egg- hard shell on the outside but very fragile on the inside and it doesn't take much for me to crack.  (I don't want people to avoid me or avoid talking about Lily though because I LOVE talking about all of my kids.. I just have a harder time sometimes but that is no reason to avoid the topic).  Some seconds, minutes, hours, days..etc are easier than others.  I never know when that moment will happen.. it just happens.

Also, we just received the proof for Lily's headstone this past Friday.  No one should ever have to order a headstone for their child.  So I went to see Lily and talked to her for awhile with her.  I just lost it.. the tears could have flooded babyland at Evergreen.  So for some reason I went through and read each baby headstone and said hi to each and every baby there.  I felt like I was saying hi to her friends per se.  That started to give me peace.. it just did.  When I was ready to leave I said Lily.. please Lily.. give me a sign.. say something.. anything.  As I was walking back to the car my phone rang and it was Kosair scheduling a time for me to bring our first batch of hairbows to donate to Kosair.  We go Thursday October 25th.. I wonder if Lily had a hand in that call because I hope the hairbows bring some happiness to another sick child.. whew.. that's all for now.  I will leave you with this song:

One of my Favorite Pictures of Lily

I shared this on Facebook: 

I just love this picture. Those eyes just stare right through you and steal your heart.. so sweet. Lily truly was a gift from God.. miss you baby girl.. forever loved.. forever and always! P.S. This was the day she became an angel.. I thank God for letting her be so alert.. she was still peeking at me when she took her last breath.. I'm just so thankful that she was so interactive that day..

Mother's Necklace, drawing for Lily and more..

My Mother's necklace that I ordered from Say What Creations through Etsy.com. It has Sarah, Ethan, Blake, and Makayla on the outside part of the necklace. It has Lily Grace on the inside with angel wings. Then I have a birthstone for each child plus an angels wing next to the birthstones. I am really happy with this necklace- here is the creation. I love it!

Makayla drew pictures for Lily.. She made this HUGE heart that says "We love Lily.. this is for you" she drew two girls (one is me and one is her sister Sarah) then she drew a house that has a cloud with an angel on the cloud.. this angel and cloud is on the middle of the house.. so sweet.  The next picture is just a closer look for you to see.  It was really cute.  We all miss Lily so much.

For those of you not on Lily's Facebook page "Never Forget Lily Grace", I recently shared this:  my six year old daughter Makayla has asked a few questions recently that I wanted to share (and please know that I answered her very open/ appropriately 

but I wanted to share her questions): Is Lily above the clouds? Does she sleep on the clouds? Do you wish you were dead so you could be with Lily? Do you wish we could all go to heaven at the same time so we could be with Lily? Can we make cupcakes for Lily on her birthdays and have UPS give them to Lily? Can we buy Lily birthday presents... kids are so sweet and innocent... but the talks can be hard especially when she was taking the shower & pulled the curtain open to ask me if I wanted to be dead so I could be with Lily.. hard talks.. hard talks but I am glad she is opening up to me. She knows that I want to be here with her and everyone else but that I wish I could fly up and see Lily too but come right back down with her and her brothers/ sister and that we will go to heaven one day but not for awhile and that Lily is always with us and watching over us... 

Another video and song- Beam Me Up by Pink.. so true.. beam me up to see Lily even if for a minute..

A dear from childhood shared this song with me.. so true.. the words are so true.. even a minute.. just a glance.. to hold her face.. to touch her.. to kiss her..

Thanks for sharing!

Great video and song.. The Hurt & The Healer by MercyMe

Lily has a Facebook page:  Never Forget Lily Grace and people have been so kind.  A wonderful person that found Lily through her page shared this song with me.. it is beautiful and perfect.

More videos..Held by Natalie Grant Lyrics

A dear friend recommended this song to me today.. Held by Natalie Grant.  It is about losing your baby.. miss you sweet Lily Grace!!!

P.S.  She says lillies of the valley in this song... can't help but think of my sweet Lily..

Hairbow Progress for "The Lily Grace Project"

We had our first hairbow party last night.  From the party, donations, and hairbows that Emily and I have made.. we are at 69 very cute hairbows.  We will be making our first trip to Kosair Children's Hospital to donate the hairbows to precious sick children in the NICU and PICU during October.  This first trip will be my first trip back to Kosair since Lily became an angel.. it will be bittersweet.  I am really trying to make something good out of something so sad and painful.  Here are the hairbow creations so far:

 

Here is a closer view: