Gods Lent Child Poem.... Thanks Aunt Kathy :)

My Aunt Kathy (Mom's sister) posted a beautiful poem on Facebook.  She said that my grandma found a poem in the newspaper and gave it to her before her daughter (my cousin) was born.  I don't know if she shared it because of the special baby I carry or not but I am glad that she shared it.  :)  Little did my Grandma know (whom I did not get to know for very long) that her poem would have a special meaning for her great granddaughter.  My Aunt Kathy said (on Facebook) "We are all lent out by God for undetermined amounts of time to parents that love us and teach us and for us to teach them also regardless of the time we have here on earth."  Thanks Kathy!  

Gods Lent Child

Ill lend you for a little while,

A child of mine, God said 

For you to love the while she lives,

And mourn for when shes dead.

It may be six or seven days

Or forty two or three,

But will you, till I call her back,

Take care of her for me?

Shell bring charms to gladden you

And (should her stay be brief)

You’ll have her memories

As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay

Since all from earth return

But there are lessons taught below

I want this child to learn.

I‘ve looked this whole world over

In my search for teachers true,

And from the things that crowd lifes lanes

I have chosen you.

Now will you give her all your love

Nor think the labour vain?

Nor hate me when I come to take

This lent child back again?

I will do that I heard them say,

Dear Lord, Thy will be done,

For all the joys this child will bring

The risk of grief well run.

We will shelter her with tenderness

Well love her while we may

And for the happiness we’ve known

Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for her

Much sooner than we planned

Well brave the bitter grief that comes

And try to understand. 

Author Unknown

Jewelry :)

Along the lines of that song below for "I will carry you" there are necklaces that say that phrase.  So I got this idea to get a necklace made with my kids names on it and then put the title of our blog on it "believing in hope and love" (especially since we don't have a name for our baby yet).  :)  So I found this cute necklace on Etsy (home made jewelry) and asked the jewelry maker if she could help me out with my design..  I want to make one just like below with all of the kids names on it (one on each side) and make a third layer with the name of the blog.  I just wanted something with significance and meaning- I just wanted to share.  :)

Pediatric Cardiologist Appointment Yesterday

We had our second visit with the Pediatric Cardiologist yesterday and he is wonderful (great doctor, great bedside manner, and very nice).  He did another fetal echo (ultrasound of her heart) and he did that prior on April 30th.  He thinks that everything still looks the same in terms to appearing like Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.  She wasn't in the best position for the ultrasound but he could tell that her heart is growing and the function is as good as can be with her heart condition.  They will start medicine for her heart very quickly after birth and we will not know how long she can stay with me after delivery until she is here.  When I say "how long she can stay"- I mean do we get to look at her as they rush her off or do we get to hold her for a few minutes.  We know that she will not stay in our room and she will be taken over to the children's hospital very quickly after birth.  This is very heart breaking because my other kids stayed in the room with me almost the whole time after birth so this will be very different.  She will have a geneticist, neonatologist (NICU pediatrician), pediatric cardiologist, pediatric cardiothoracic surgeons, and multiple other people caring for her after birth.


They will be doing ultrasound of her brain, heart, other organs, blood tests, scans of all sorts, etc after birth.  It sounds like we can expect her to be in the NICU for at least 4 weeks but that all depends upon how she is doing.  The first surgery at 7 days old sounds like the hardest because she is so little and fragile.  We just don't know how the Chromosome 17 will effect her or impact her heart (or other issues).  


He did mention that they have only been doing the surgery around 25-30 years so they really don't know what the future holds for everyone that has the three heart surgeries past that point.  He said that some people do very well, some don't, and some need heart transplants (and who knows.. they may all eventually need heart transplants).    


So we go next week to meet the heart surgeons for the first time, tour the NICU, tour the hospital where we will deliver, meet with the high risk doctor again (another ultrasound), and meet the NICU pediatricians for the first time too.  So next week will be crazy, busy, and emotional.  


I still have my good moments/ bad moments and good days/ bad days.  We just don't know what the future holds and that is the scariest part.  So things are stable "per se" for now and no new devastating news but it is also not good at the same time because she still has her heart condition with the 3 open heart surgeries and this genetic condition (and no one knows what that outcome will be).  


Please don't take it personal if I have not written you back, called you, etc as I am overwhelmed with everything right now.  I still love you all and I will slowly but surely get back with you.  Thank you for all of your well wishes, support, and prayers!  Don't stop.. as we have up to 9 weeks left until she is here.  :)  

Songs that have meaning to me right now (3)

"The Fighter"...........Our Babies Theme Song :) 

Just waking up in the morning

And to be well,
Quite honest with ya,
I ain't really sleep well
Ya ever feel like your train of thought's been derailed?
That's when you press on - Lee nails
Half the population's just waitin to see me fail
Yeah right, you're better off trying to freeze hell
Some of us do it for the females
And others do it for the retail

But I do it for the kids, life threw the towel in on
Everytime you fall it's only making your chin strong
And I'll be in your corner like mick, baby, til the end
Or when you hear a song from that big lady

[Bridge]
Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do ya'll?

[Chorus - Ryan Tedder]
Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life til we're dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say of me, say of me, say of me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say of me, say of me, say of me,
This one's a fighter

[Verse 2]
And if I can last thirty rounds
There's no reason you should ever have your head down
Six foot five, two hundred and twenty pounds
Hailing from rock bottom, loserville, nothing town

Text book version of a kid going nowhere fast
And now I'm yelling "kiss my ass"
It's gonna take a couple right hooks, a few left jabs
For you to recognize you really ain't got it bad

[Bridge]
Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do ya'll?

[Chorus - Ryan Tedder]
Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life til we're dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say of me, say of me, say of me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say of me, say of me, say of me,
This one's a fighter

Everybody put yo hands up
What we gonna do? [x7] ya'll

If you fall pick yourself up off the floor (get up)
And when your bones can't take no more (c'mon)
Just remember what you're here for
Cuz I know Imma damn sure

Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life til we're dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say of me, say of me, say of me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say of me, say of me, say of me,
This one's a fighter

'Til the referee rings the bell
'Til both ya eyes start to swell
'Til the crowd goes home,
What we gonna do kid?

Songs that have meaning to me right now (2)

Emeli Sande - Next To Me (Acoustic)

You won't find him drinkin' at the tables
Rolling dice and staying out 'til three
You won't ever find him being unfaithful
You will find him, you'll find him next to me

You won’t find him trying to chase the devil
For money, fame, for power, out of grief
You won’t ever find him where the rest go
You will find him, you'll find him next to me

[Hook]
Next to me ooh, ooh
Next to me ooh, ooh
Next to me ooh, ooh
You will find him, you’ll find him next to me

[Emeli Sande]
When the end has come and buildings falling down fast
When we spoilt the land and dried up all the sea
When everyone has lost their heads around us
You will find him you’ll find him next to me

Never in my life have I met someone like him
I’m blown away by his love for me
If you ever wonder where it is you’ll find him
You will find him, you will find him next to me

[Hook]
Next to me ooh, ooh
Next to me ooh, ooh
Next to me ooh, ooh
You will find him, you’ll find him next to me

[Emeli Sande]
When the money's spent and all my friends have vanished
And I can’t seem to find no help or love for free
I know there’s no need for me to panic
Cause I’ll find him, I’ll find him next to me

When the skies are grey and all the doors are closing
And the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe
Well, all I need is a hand to stop the tears from falling
I will find him, will find him next to me

[Hook]
Next to me ooh, ooh
Next to me ooh, ooh
Next to me ooh, ooh
You will find him you’ll find him next to me

Next to me ooh, ooh
Next to me ooh, ooh
Next to me ooh, ooh
You will find him you’ll find him next to me 

Songs that have meaning to me right now (1)

Selah - I Will Carry You 

Selah - I Will Carry You lyrics

There were photographs i wanted to take
Things i wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?people say that i am brave but i`m not
Truth is i`m barely hanging on
But there`s a greater story
Written long before me
Because he loves you like this

So i will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But i know
That the silence
Has brought me to his voice
And he says

I`ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you 

Another High Risk/ Ultrasound Appointment Today

We had another ultrasound today and a GREAT one at that.  :)  It was the best that we could hope for at least.  Her heart problem is still there but her heart is growing and still functioning as strong as possible.  Her measurements were very good and right on track.  Her heart beat was 144 and she was estimated to weigh 3 pounds and 6 ounces (at 30 weeks and 2 days pregnant).  Her brain, body measurements, head measurements, etc all still looked good- no new markers still (just the heart at this point).  They did not see club feet, asymmetry of her body, and other possible characteristics at this point.  I know that it can still change and I know that the ultrasound does not pick everything up but... we will take any good, hopeful news that we can get.  

So I go back for another ultrasound with the high risk doctor in two weeks and the next step was to set up appointments with the Neonatal pediatricians, tour of the NICU, tour of the hospital where I will deliver, and appointment with the Pediatric Cardiac Surgeons.  By the end of the day the high risk office had most of these appointments set up and it will all be done within the next two weeks.  Wow.. did not think it will all happen at once so to say I am overwhelmed is an understatement.  :)  I also have a pediatric cardiologist appointment on Monday and I am unsure of what they will do then- maybe just talk or maybe I will get another ultrasound of her heart (echo) done.  I will find out.  

I will do my best to keep you updated but be patient with me because there will be a lot going on in the next few weeks.  Thank you for your support and thanks for reading!!      

Doctors Appointment on Tuesday, June 5th

The good news is that this doctors appointment was very uneventful.  I LOVE those appointments!  Her heart rate was from 140-150 which was WONDERFUL news.  This was the last appointment with my regular OBGYN and now I will officially only be seen by the high risk OBGYN group.  It was bittersweet as I really do like my OBGYN but it also means that we are getting closer to seeing our baby girl.  I am officially 29 weeks pregnant today!  I will have another ultrasound at the end of next week when I see the high risk doctor again so keep praying that her heart rate stays strong and that we see good development along with nothing new to worry about!!  I will keep you updated.. thanks for reading!!